tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67564441362839541542024-03-13T09:33:21.453-07:00Inner Thoughts of a Womanwhat really goes on in my brain and my heartAlisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.comBlogger67125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-18353542347610545342011-03-22T21:20:00.000-07:002011-03-22T21:27:50.528-07:00One Grain(I know, I copied this post to both blogs, but I felt it was important to do so)<br />
I went to therapy again today, and one of the things she helped me realize is that I wouldn't have left sooner because I was getting something out of that relationship that I wanted too. Not saying for one second that I wanted or deserved the mental and emotional abuse (we chatted a little more about my history and she pointed out more instances that easily qualify under both of those headings - I'm not just repeating it for the drama. I actually feel pretty uncomfortable about saying it still - that I fell for all of that - but that's where I'm coming to my point...)... I stayed as long as I wanted to. She pointed out that if you look at a scale, and there's a mountain of crap on one side, and a mountain and a grain of good on the other, then you'll stay. I realized what it was that I traded my emotional peace of mind in my marriage for <b>was the opportunity to stay home with my children while they were small.</b> That's what I chose. If I left earlier, I would have missed out on that. I knew that the children were in minimal danger if I stayed, and that the risk of sending them to daycare to be raised by someone else and have them miss out on the foundation of stability and love that can only be provided by their mother was a risk I was not going to take. It made it all worth it. Sure, it was a hefty trade, and one I wasn't even consciously aware of until about a couple of years before the end. Looking back I'm not even sure about the quality of my parenting considering it was a lot of survival mode, but I was there, and I loved them the best I could at the time. I hope that counts in the long run for something. And not for a second would I go back, knowing what I know now, and change it. I'm a Mom first and forever, and there is nothing I wouldn't do for my children. Staying after they were in school full time, and putting up with abuse that was obviously not going to end ever would have killed my spirit. I left for my children too. I'm sure they don't see it that way, but I did. I couldn't continue having them live in a house where I was allowing me to be treated that way. I definitely didn't want them to grow up thinking that any of that was normal or acceptable. I also didn't want them growing up in shades of gray. There is right and wrong, and I needed them to see the difference in the way their father and I choose to live our lives, rather than blending - or in other words me caving to keep the peace and going against what I believe to be best regarding values, morals, and religion.<br />
I know that I'm an even better Mom now than I have ever been. I hope they see that it's never to late to change, that you have to work hard to get what you want, that faith matters, that truth in word and action and emotion matters, that they matter, and that I matter. And if they ever end up knowing what all happened between their father and me, that they see that it wasn't that I was too weak to leave - but that I was strong enough to withstand the 'mountain less-a-grain' for the opportunity to be with them.Alisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-4740447549783018272011-03-20T01:48:00.000-07:002011-03-20T01:48:12.895-07:00Scrap That Happily Ever After... Time For a New StoryMaybe because it's all coming to an end that I've been thinking about the beginning of the end. <br />
And where is that beginning? <br />
Is it when in my naivety I missed the tell-tale signs that his character was lacking essential qualities needed for a lifetime of emotional safety right from the get-go?<br />
Is it the first time I caught him in the act of living a double life?<br />
Is it the first time that he admitted to me days later that the problem went far deeper than originally discovered?<br />
The second time I caught him?<br />
The third?<br />
Or any one of the times that others confronted me with additional information?<br />
And when I finally had the courage to say 'enough' when it happened yet again - was that when I left him? Or had he left me a million years before?<br />
<br />
Who left who?<br />
<br />
Was it that he left me all those years ago, but it took me a dozen years to let him go? To tell him 'no more'? To find my voice and stand up for me? <br />
I'm trying to find the beginning so I can figure out the why, the how, and how never to be that girl again. The girl who repeatedly sent the messages that 'it's ok to abuse me, I'll take it over and over again - just don't leave me alone', ' I'll hide all your secrets, I'll be loyal, then will I be worthy of your love and attention??', 'look at all the things I do wrong, at all the things I'm not, how in the world do I fix them all so you will be happy and love me, pick me to talk to, touch, and spend time with??'.<br />
I'm hoping that with all the time that's gone by, the things I have learned and experienced, I'm a changed woman already. I'm learning to be a woman that chooses my life rather than letting life always just happen to me while being quiet, patient, and polite.<br />
I know what I want - I'm still working on believing I deserve it and then being brave enough not to settle for anything less, and creating a life for me that I love - with or without a man to share it with. That's going to be hard because men are my weakness, along with the desire to be wanted, cherished, and loved. Assuming of course that such a man who can and wants to fulfill those needs for me even exists. I hope he does...??Alisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-38636127698577548492011-03-11T21:44:00.000-08:002011-03-11T21:44:53.807-08:00Three Wishes1 - that I was wealthy enough to be able to travel and see things that my kiddies and I have always wanted to see<br />
2 - that their father would wake up tomorrow and feel that moving alone to Mexico forever is the best idea of his life and follow through with it.<br />
3 - that my kids realize sooner than later what a lame sauce person their father is so they quit getting their hopes up and having him crush them over and over like he tends to do because the only person he thinks of is himself.<br />
<br />
Favorite quote of the week - "This is our last conversation. We are not friends. Goodbye Trevor."<br />
<br />
It's almost done...Alisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-84647442930762218262011-02-15T22:24:00.000-08:002011-02-15T22:24:20.767-08:00Non Traditional GratitudeThank you for reaffirming to me on at least a weekly basis that leaving you was THE best decision of my life. Trust me that I will be buying our son a car so that he can drive himself and his sister back and forth between our homes so that I have to see you even less than I already do. It's a 4 year count down and will be worth every penny :) <br />
<br />
ps - you can add our Real Estate Lawyer to the rapidly growing list of people who have actually called you a fool behind your back, just so you know. I'm sure you don't care, but it makes my day :)Alisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-10920499240321932272011-02-02T12:44:00.000-08:002011-02-02T12:46:41.276-08:00Preparing for the StormHindsight is 20/20 they say.<br />
The further away I get from the toxic mess that was my marriage and the tragic person I used to be, the better I see how truly messed up the whole situation was.<br />
I've had recent exposure to more of his emotional abuse lately, and having been away from it for a while it comes as a startling surprise that <em><strong>abuse</strong></em> is exactly what I was exposed to, and unfortunatly it's not all past tense.<br />
I know I'm not the same person I used to be, but am I strong enough now to deal with more devestating blows from him? You see, it all unravelled for me two years ago and I've been working damn hard to rebuild since then. His hardest times only just coming around the bend as real life consequences start kicking in. He can see them clearer now than he ever has and he's looking for someone to blame... and I'm his go-to girl. <br />
I know for a fact that he will lash out in my direction again more than once and in all his classic ways, and I'm afraid. I have that same knot in my stomach of ugly anticipation, feel the blood draining from my face, my hands start shaking, my heart pounding, and am fighting with all that I have not to run or buckle. <br />
I need help. I'm stronger now than I have ever been, but I need support and tools, because I feel fragile when I'm dealing with him. I'm going to finally see a therapist next week, because this is my time to stand up for me. I just need help in finding my voice.Alisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-657822043259196882011-01-27T18:23:00.000-08:002011-01-27T18:23:59.928-08:00My Battle with a Different Kind of CancerDivorce, I've decided, compares on many levels to an awful illness. It sucks the life from you, you never know when it's going to end, you have to go around and try to function best you can day to day anyways, and it's never far from your mind. Plus. at least for me, I'm journeying to find wholeness, taking better care of myself, slowing down and enjoying the little things more, seeing all the petty little things people get all bunched up about as..well... petty. I want to raise awareness to everyone on what to avoid at all costs, and become an abused person advocate. It's cause for friends and family to celebrate when free of the source of sickness, stress, and negativity. Support groups become a place to share and let your guard down. And once in a while, medication helps ;) Prayers are said, and if you're lucky, really lucky, you can walk away free of any lasting scars. I'm still battling, not able to see the promised end from where I stand today. I'm exhausted in every way, but the days keep coming and what other option is there than to face them, one at a time.Alisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-84193374218080815452010-12-24T22:05:00.000-08:002010-12-24T22:05:02.363-08:00Not So MerryI love Christmas.<br />
At least I know I used to. And I'm really trying to this year as well.<br />
But for some reason I'm 75% happy and 25% not, and that 25% is starting to irk me.<br />
It's hard around the holidays. It's like another little reminder that there used to be someone and now there isn't. I know my kids feel it too. They wish we were all together. I don't, but mostly because I know that I'm not wanted where ever he is. And that feels kinda crappy sometimes, not gonna lie. That he would rather be alone on Christmas Eve, calling his kids twice because I know he misses them, that he would rather do that than be with me 365 days a year.<br />
I've had a little break through though. I was chatting last night while I wrapped gifts with my best friend and more than once I said things out loud that have been clattering around in my brain that I thought were simple truths about myself. She was quick to be vocal about how the way I see me is not the way that others see me. So as I laid in bed I thought again as I often do about what is my 'self talk' - the things I say to myself so often that I believe them and I caught one. Caught one because it has been so subtle and quiet, but repetitive enough for me to not even realize I've been saying it at all. In fact, it's been around for so many years that it has definitely become a part of how I view myself, and I didn't even realize it. I know when it started and who put it there, but that doesn't matter nearly so much as how do I change it?<br />
You can't change what you don't own so here it is:<br />
<b>People don't actually like you, they're just pretending to your face</b>.<br />
And: <b>You think you're special but you're not. </b><br />
Seriously - how in the world did I not recognize these going on in my head <i>everyday</i>?? They were so much a part of me that I didn't even see how damaging they were, and probably will continue to be as I try to change.<br />
<i>This</i> is why I didn't try for the man I thought was out of my league and settled for a guy that paid attention to me.<br />
<i>This </i>is why I down play every compliment ever given to me.<br />
<i>This</i> is why I don't have many long-time friends, because I believe that they grow to get to know me, don't like what they see or realize that I'm totally average and boring and leave.<br />
<i>This</i> is why I stayed in an abusive relationship for 10 years.<br />
<i>This</i> is why I have a hard time believing that people who are not related to me (because if you're related you have to love each other, even if you make each other crazy) actually like me and care about me - I seriously believe that they are faking just to be nice, or put on a show, or are using me for something. Seriously.<br />
I've always said and meant it when I say <i>I</i> like me, I just don't think other people do.<br />
Could I think of myself as special?<br />
Could I trust someone else to like me as a person? And almost the entire person, if not all??<br />
Completely foreign to me.... but something I obviously need to think and study on so I don't repeat mistakes of my past OR pass them on, heaven forbid!<br />
It's been an eye-opening thought process, and I'm feeling very vulnerable and a little emotional. I'm not sure where to go from here, but since I newly discovered I'm smart and a survivor, I'm sure I'll figure it out in time. Life's a journey.Alisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-20313462534978231522010-12-06T22:41:00.000-08:002010-12-06T22:41:07.400-08:00My SecretsSome, not all of course....<br />
<br />
I wish I had someone more like me at school to hang out with. I realize everyday how much older I am than the girls I study with.<br />
<br />
If he called and really wanted me back, I'd actually consider it.<br />
<br />
I look for cute guys on the train in the morning. Once in a while if I don't see any, I'll get off that car and try the next one.<br />
<br />
My first thought when I see a man texting is that he's talking to his mistress.<br />
<br />
Share your secrets anonymously if you like... more from me another day....Alisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-39644979559599432962010-10-22T23:00:00.000-07:002010-10-22T23:00:26.366-07:00I'm Going to Tell YouThe extended version of my current facebook status: I'm a woman who tells it like it is. If the slit of your skirt is so high that myself and everyone else walking behind you on a busy downtown street can actually see your butt, I'm going to tell you. If your shirt is hanging out of your open fly and you are the manager of a fast food place, I'm going to tell you. If you are walking past me in Rona and I notice that you still have a curler in your hair, I'm going to tell you. So sure as shootin', if you call out my family member on their facebook status and you've got your facts seriously messed up?? I'm going to tell you. Period.Alisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-13432696989069581822010-10-11T10:54:00.000-07:002010-10-11T10:54:52.039-07:00I'm Looking... Have You Seen Him?It's back.<br />
That feeling that something is missing... and that something is a <b>man</b>.<br />
I would love to feel strong arms around me, and feel safe being there. I would love to roll over in bed and feel the warmth of another body there too. I want to share new experiences, see new places, and make lasting memories with someone special who sets me apart from all others. I want to belong to someone, and belong with someone. <br />
I want to feel the <b>rush</b>, the comfort, the <i>security </i>that being with a man brings. And not just any man...<i> the</i> man. I'm not a hop around, any-guy-will-do-for-now kind of woman. I want to give it all and get it all in return. That's what I want.<br />
Is he out there? <br />
Yeah, he's out there. Somewhere...Alisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-8049752659400323882010-09-28T22:18:00.000-07:002010-09-28T22:18:57.712-07:00TiredI'm losing my motivation to keep on keepin' on. I'm tired, and my hope is getting a little banged up and dusty. I'm starting to get swamped with all that I have to do, and yet I can hardly say that I'm doing this all on my own. I feel dependant, and lacking in too many ways tonight. I wish I would lay down in my bed and it would swallow me whole for at least a week. I wish I was more, better, faster, stronger, (is that a song??), and not alone, and not in debt. Blech.Alisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-2183211613938000852010-08-23T10:57:00.000-07:002010-08-23T10:57:51.142-07:00A Good QuietThis, my ranting place, has been quiet for a while. <br />
And for this I am grateful, because it means <i>I'm at peace</i>.<br />
Much love... AAlisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-73463788737117318602010-08-09T18:31:00.000-07:002010-08-09T18:31:16.891-07:00Bit By BitThere are still going to be battles, the kind of the previous post and others. <br />
But I'm winning the war.<br />
I know I am.<br />
I'm not going to call retreat, but I am giving up on the battles that just don't matter anymore. And the crazy amazing part is that giving up makes me stronger, not weaker, more at peace, and less enraged. <br />
I'm moving on you know :) more details at my other blog, you know, just in case you like my ramblings :)Alisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-51727310347122873052010-08-03T16:52:00.000-07:002010-08-03T16:56:14.636-07:00Out of Reach DreamsI think I might be going crazy.<br />
No.... really.<br />
I feel like there's always this battle going on inside of me, a battle between 'wants' and 'shoulds'.<br />
I <strong>want</strong> to have a man look at me twice, but I <em>shouldn't</em> do anything to draw attention to myself.<br />
I <strong>want</strong> to pursue and be pursued now, but I <em>shouldn't</em> because good girls wait until the time is right.<br />
I <strong>want</strong> to give in to human desires, but I <em>shouldn't</em> because... well, the because is a little blurry right now on that one but I just know that it's a HUGE <strong><em>shouldn't</em></strong>.<br />
I <strong>want</strong> a good, amazing, good-looking guy, but I <em>shouldn't </em>get my hopes up because even a pretty crappy guy didn't want to keep me.<br />
<br />
I keep waiting... waiting and waiting and waiting, and most days I'm pretty patient about it. Sometimes I wonder what the point of waiting at all is. Sometimes I don't want to keep putting on the brave face, and be the one who keeps being the good girl because don't you know - good things come to those who wait. <br />
No.<br />
No I don't know, actually.<br />
I feel like the things I want, the things I dream about and hope for are not going to happen and that the lessons I'm to learn are that life doesn't turn out the way you want it to, even though for others it does. I feel like I'm one of those people who have to learn to be happy without, all the while watching others less deserving, less <em>good </em>at following the rules, get to be carefree and at peace and bottome-of-your-soul <em><strong>happy.</strong></em><br />
<br />
In all the back and forth between want/should, happy/sad, tired/alive, going forward/slipping back, I'm getting all jumbled and comfused as to what I really want, and what is actually attainable. Are my expectations and dreams to far too out there ever be reached? Have I been watching too many chick flicks and Disney movies to have a firm grasp on reality? Do I even know what I want?<br />
Yes.<br />
I know what I want.<br />
But does it exist?<br />
I have no idea.Alisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-1285714679242835932010-07-29T16:28:00.000-07:002010-07-29T16:29:31.025-07:00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I AM TIRED OF WAITING!!!! DO YOU HEAR ME UNIVERSE?????? I WANT TO BE DONE <em><strong>NOW</strong></em>!!!!!! I WANT MY (*&%*(&($*&$(*(#W*$&#(*&(*#^$#(Q*#$(@*^$(#*&$ HOUSE TO <strong>SELL!!!</strong> I WANT my ex to freaking JUMP UP AND DOWN WITH JOY and IMMEDIATLY sign off on the minutes of settlement so we can be <strong>OFFICIALLY DONE</strong>!! I've been waiting like such a good little girl and I'm about to FREAKING <strong>SNAP!!! THIS..... THIS IS MY LIMIT!!!!!! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</strong>Alisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-68287324375622871222010-07-15T00:10:00.000-07:002010-07-15T00:10:22.088-07:00Is It That I'm Crazy For Waiting? Or Is The Waiting Making Me Crazy??First off, thanks to Debbi for the 'blog award'! I'd post links and all that to her's but to be honest, I have no idea how to do that. I don't ACTUALLY live in bloggerland, I just come and dump my trash and leave ;)<br />
Anyways, she's pretty much fantastic. She tells it like it is, and tells ALL of it. I love that. I love that she has no shame in who she is, what has happened, or cares really what too many other people think. I'm still transitioning from the land of 'Pleasers' myself and have a little ways to go, and hope to follow her lead in more ways than one.<br />
So, she mentioned that I was honest and keep it real here too, which I do. But she also mentioned that my content was sad. Also true. Bitter and angry are also words that come to my mind as well!! Those aren't my only Thoughts, but again, keeping it real, they have been a lot of my thoughts for too long. Time to lighten up I'd say :)<br />
So..... other thoughts of mine?? Let's see.... I've been separated for, ohhhh, nearly 2 years, and being that I'm the religious sort, I've been doing my darndest to be morally good and all.... yeah... that's getting old pretty darn quick! Not the morally good part, don't really want to face the wrath of those consequences thank you very much!! But the single part = boring!! Pretty much came to the realization that it was high time that SOMETHING be done when I'm sitting there watching the Bachelorette and I'm literally starting to <em>crush</em> on one of the guys on <strong>TV! </strong>Lame...sauce.... Throw in that it's Stampede week and while it's true that I see allllll kinds of crazy get-up's while riding the train to school through downtown everyday (high waisted jeans with the pockets ending half way down your butt are NOT flattering - the goal is NOT to make your butt look like it's drooping <em>more</em> than it is... just saying...) anyways, back to my point, there are some <em>really hot cowboys</em> around town people!! I'm a sucker for plaid and a hat, haha :) AND THEN!!! Oh yeah, it gets better, could my school <em>be</em> around the corner from the cop shop with strong, good looking, protective type men in <em>cowboy hats</em> and in <strong><em>uniform</em></strong>??? <br />
I know, I know, everyone feels like their divorce process takes the longest, and trust me, I've been pretty darn good at not sending out the 'available' vibe or spreading the word that I'm looking to meet people until it's <em>official</em>. But I'm pacing the floor and wearing a groove in it, just so you know!Alisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-90722260031870748672010-07-12T17:59:00.000-07:002010-07-12T18:02:50.060-07:00Ok, I Think I Got It This TimeGosh, you know? This whole "letting go and moving on" business can be pretty up and down, just so you know. BUT, I think I figured it out. <br />
So first I was trying to preserve the future relationship because I thought that would be a good idea considering I still have to see the man on a fairly regular basis for the next dozen or so years. But that just ended up hurting like heck because it still felt like he was screwing me over, financially most of all. Plus, I'm not gonna lie, having the man you love choose someone else kinda blows, especially when it's obvious that I'm, like, a total prize!! And considering what he chose instead???.... Ew!! Haha, what could he POSSIBLY be thinking right?? <br />
So THEN I decided it's probably just easier to hate the man. And it is, don't get me wrong!! But that's not who I am.<br />
So NOW I've had my aha moment and realize holy crap <strong>I still love him</strong>!!! <br />
Wait...<br />
WHAT???????<br />
Yeah, I love the man he was to my face, 30% of the time. Not the other 70% he was to my face, or the 100% he was behind my back. <br />
That's the man I miss.<br />
And I miss him a lot.<br />
Even though I know.... that man no longer exists.Alisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-14996827858346126292010-07-07T00:16:00.000-07:002010-07-07T00:16:27.015-07:00Happy SummersYou know, it's summer. And it's funny how this new summer makes me think of old ones. It wasn't all bad times. We had some good times too. I'm cautiously going over the good times again in my mind, knowing we aren't the same people anymore so there's no point in longing for more of those times. But I wonder to myself if you thought there were good times too, and if you ever think about them, just once in a while.Alisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-71575168916467714722010-07-05T19:53:00.000-07:002010-07-05T19:53:13.725-07:00Again, If Movies Were Real...We watched the Transformers movie this weekend again as a family, and I have to say, how cool would it be when you're busting your butt to fight off the bad guys to get on your little radio and command the unseen, all powerful back-up to "Bring the rain!" I gotta get me one of those little radios...Alisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-13044637731986332402010-07-05T19:46:00.000-07:002010-07-05T19:46:44.054-07:00Painful SilenceEverytime I have a chance to blow your reputation to our children when they ask questions... and I don't... better count for something in heaven because man, it's one of the hardest things I do every time.Alisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-45505096926390284942010-07-04T21:19:00.000-07:002010-07-04T21:19:49.811-07:00And It's All Drug Free People!!I'm happy. Not 'happy until...' or 'happy when...'. I'm happy, I'm content, I'm secure, I'm focused. Not all of the time, because I'm pretty sure you need some good drugs for that, but enough of the time. I <strong>can</strong> do this. I <strong>am</strong> doing this. Alisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-86095168155806140952010-06-23T22:41:00.000-07:002010-06-23T22:41:05.583-07:00Whoa - What WAS That??Remember about a week ago when I said I didn't know how to move on?? Yeah, that must have been some bad chinese food or something. Soooo have moved on... and never going back. Homewrecker - you can have his scummy, skinny, cheating a$$. Thanks again for stopping by though! Made my life :)<br />
<br />
(Oh, and the other guy?? Just saving him for later ;))Alisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-5975849769583468302010-06-15T20:05:00.000-07:002010-06-15T20:05:45.076-07:00You, and You, and YouTo individuals who shall remain nameless but who know exactly who they are... or should...<br />
<br />
You: ROT!!!!!<br />
You: I'm praying for Karma for you... and you deserve all that's coming to you<br />
<br />
and<br />
<br />
You: It's hard, but I need you to keep doing what you're (not) doing for a while longer... I'll be in touch... promise :)Alisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-8605187874138145142010-06-13T22:30:00.000-07:002010-06-13T22:30:15.223-07:00What the..?!?!CRAP!!!<br />
argh...<br />
ok.... <br />
pity sake, can someone please tell me how the hell to just move on?????!!!!!<br />
I really don't know how....<br />
I keep trying and trying and... damn it....<br />
I'm not the one. I know I'm not the one. Why won't my heart just let go already??<br />
And what's really messed up is that it's not just one... it's two...<br />
I know... you don't even have to tell me... I know....Alisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6756444136283954154.post-57585921932886218612010-06-05T01:23:00.000-07:002010-06-05T10:36:47.264-07:00ContradictionsI'm smart... and nieve.<br />
I'm sweet... and seductive.<br />
I'm nice... and dream of revenge.<br />
I'm shy... and bold.<br />
I'm immovable... and a softie.<br />
I'm religious... and rebelious.<br />
I'm social... and need space.<br />
I'm beautiful... and invisable.Alisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18044557179576098437noreply@blogger.com0