She was alone. And most days she was quite content to be so. Sure, she had her family not too far away. They were great, as were her friends, at making sure that she really was okay with it all. She was, after all, a confident woman determined to be successful on the new path that her life was on. She had seen her fair share of bumps in the road and was mature enough to know that life would inevitably bring more. She also knew that she would be able to weather them when they did, just as she had done in the past. She still felt as though the future was full of hope and opportunities.
But tonight, she was alone. And she felt it.
She had seen him earlier in the evening and everything was fine. They chatted casually for a few minutes and then he had to get going. As she closed the door behind him, she felt an ache in her heart. That feeling lingered and intensified until she felt as though her heart had been sucked from her chest leaving a cavernous void.
It didn't happen every time, not even all that often. But when it did, it was hard to keep emotions from bubbling over. There was no doubt in her mind about the decision to separate, just surprise sometimes at how much it hurt still. She hoped that those feelings would lessen with time and that she would find joy in a quality relationship again someday. The problem with someday though is that one never knows when it will get here. So she questioned herself - does she miss him specifically, or miss loving and being loved?
She knows she will not find the answer to that question tonight. What she does know is that she needs to go to bed but is stalling, for there is no one there waiting for her. And the vacuum continues. At least for tonight.
