!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM TIRED OF WAITING!!!!  DO YOU HEAR ME UNIVERSE??????  I WANT TO BE DONE NOW!!!!!!   I WANT MY (*&%*(&($*&$(*(#W*$&#(*&(*#^$#(Q*#$(@*^$(#*&$ HOUSE TO SELL!!!  I WANT my ex to freaking JUMP UP AND DOWN WITH JOY and IMMEDIATLY sign off on the minutes of settlement so we can be OFFICIALLY DONE!!   I've been waiting like such a good little girl and I'm about to FREAKING SNAP!!!  THIS..... THIS IS MY LIMIT!!!!!!  BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is It That I'm Crazy For Waiting? Or Is The Waiting Making Me Crazy??

First off, thanks to Debbi for the 'blog award'!  I'd post links and all that to her's but to be honest, I have no idea how to do that.  I don't ACTUALLY live in bloggerland, I just come and dump my trash and leave ;)
Anyways, she's pretty much fantastic.  She tells it like it is, and tells ALL of it.  I love that.  I love that she has no shame in who she is, what has happened, or cares really what too many other people think.  I'm still transitioning from the land of 'Pleasers' myself and have a little ways to go, and hope to follow her lead in more ways than one.
So, she mentioned that I was honest and keep it real here too, which I do.  But she also mentioned that my content was sad.  Also true.  Bitter and angry are also words that come to my mind as well!!  Those aren't my only Thoughts, but again, keeping it real, they have been a lot of my thoughts for too long.  Time to lighten up I'd say :)
So..... other thoughts of mine??  Let's see.... I've been separated for, ohhhh, nearly 2 years, and being that I'm the religious sort, I've been doing my darndest to be morally good and all.... yeah... that's getting old pretty darn quick!  Not the morally good part, don't really want to face the wrath of those consequences thank you very much!!  But the single part = boring!!  Pretty much came to the realization that it was high time that SOMETHING be done when I'm sitting there watching the Bachelorette and I'm literally starting to crush on one of the guys on TV!  Lame...sauce....  Throw in that it's Stampede week and while it's true that I see allllll kinds of crazy get-up's while riding the train to school through downtown everyday (high waisted jeans with the pockets ending half way down your butt are NOT flattering - the goal is NOT to make your butt look like it's drooping more than it is... just saying...) anyways, back to my point, there are some really hot cowboys around town people!!  I'm a sucker for plaid and a hat, haha :)  AND THEN!!!  Oh yeah, it gets better, could my school be around the corner from the cop shop with strong, good looking, protective type men in cowboy hats and in uniform??? 
I know, I know, everyone feels like their divorce process takes the longest, and trust me, I've been pretty darn good at not sending out the 'available' vibe or spreading the word that I'm looking to meet people until it's official.  But I'm pacing the floor and wearing a groove in it, just so you know!

Ok, I Think I Got It This Time

Gosh, you know? This whole "letting go and moving on" business can be pretty up and down, just so you know.  BUT, I think I figured it out. 
So first I was trying to preserve the future relationship because I thought that would be a good idea considering I still have to see the man on a fairly regular basis for the next dozen or so years.  But that just ended up hurting like heck because it still felt like he was screwing me over, financially most of all.  Plus, I'm not gonna lie, having the man you love choose someone else kinda blows, especially when it's obvious that I'm, like, a total prize!! And considering what he chose instead???.... Ew!!  Haha, what could he POSSIBLY be thinking right?? 
So THEN I decided it's probably just easier to hate the man.  And it is, don't get me wrong!!  But that's not who I am.
So NOW I've had my aha moment and realize holy crap I still love him!!! 
Wait...
WHAT???????
Yeah, I love the man he was to my face, 30% of the time.  Not the other 70% he was to my face, or the 100% he was behind my back. 
That's the man I miss.
And I miss him a lot.
Even though I know.... that man no longer exists.

Happy Summers

You know, it's summer.  And it's funny how this new summer makes me think of old ones.  It wasn't all bad times.  We had some good times too.  I'm cautiously going over the good times again in my mind, knowing we aren't the same people anymore so there's no point in longing for more of those times.  But I wonder to myself if you thought there were good times too, and if you ever think about them, just once in a while.

Again, If Movies Were Real...

We watched the Transformers movie this weekend again as a family, and I have to say, how cool would it be when you're busting your butt to fight off the bad guys to get on your little radio and command the unseen, all powerful back-up to "Bring the rain!"  I gotta get me one of those little radios...

Painful Silence

Everytime I have a chance to blow your reputation to our children when they ask questions... and I don't... better count for something in heaven because man, it's one of the hardest things I do every time.

And It's All Drug Free People!!

I'm happy.  Not 'happy until...' or 'happy when...'.  I'm happy, I'm content, I'm secure, I'm focused.  Not all of the time, because I'm pretty sure you need some good drugs for that, but enough of the time.  I can do this.  I am doing this.