As she is driving home to see her most favorite little people in the whole world, a realization pushes in past the emotions steadily churning inside. It is a beautiful day. The sun is shining for the first time in about a week, shining on the mountains and the snow in the fields. Days like this usually lift her spirits and hope pours in.
Not now.
Always a feeling before thinking. Her mind questions her heart. Realization begins to dawn.
Anger.
She is angry.
As recognition comes, the feeling immediately grows almost as if it had been lurking in the corner for a while and once spotted comes to make a formal greeting.
She knew angers companions well - hurt and frustration - but rarely saw anger in it's pure form. But here it was, smirking at her.
Upon the advice of a dear friend, to confront every emotion that comes along, she begins to do something that she has never done before. She starts to yell. Yelling at someone who is not there to hear. On and on she rants, waiting for the anger to melt into tears or hurt, but it does not. So she continues, punctuating her sentences with hand gestures and banging the steering wheel, not caring if the other drivers sharing the road notice. She is a little surprised at her desire to have her fist connect hard with someones face.
The miles roll by. She is close to home. Not wanting this battle to continue when she gets there, she wraps the tirade up, takes a couple of deep breaths and ponders on all of the things that had spewed forward. Nothing revolutionary had been revealed. There was nothing she hadn't said before. She was aware that the anger had not left her completely, it was back in its corner, waiting to come out again sometime. And that would be fine. She'd be ready then too. She has become a woman who is finally unafraid of emotion and all that comes with the different forms. The displays, the confronting, the accepting, the sharing, all of it. And she marvels again at how free she feels, comparing it to how stifled she used to be without being aware of it.
Free.
Free.
Pulling into her drive, a smile spreads across her face. It is a beautiful day.
1 comment:
I think this is such a good idea, and such a healthy way to deal with life. Thanks for sharing with us.
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