Fate and Fireworks

Do you believe in fate?
One person 'made' for each one of us?
Or do you believe that fate is a myth and that there are possibly quite a few people that we could get along swimmingly with for the rest of our lives.

I used to believe in fate.
Now I don't.

New topic:
Have you ever had fireworks with someone? Not just your average 'butterflies' feeling but such an intense attraction that you couldn't hold your hands steady if you tried (never mind the rest of you), that forming complete sentences was monumental because as soon as you were around him every intelligent thought left your brain. That you would avoid looking at him in a crowded room because if someone saw the two of you making eye contact there would be no way of disguising the chemistry you two had. He's the guy that you felt you had no natural defences around. The one you felt intensely drawn to with no logical explanation. The one that when you made eye contact, the air seemed to crackle with the electricity and everything else in the background went all fuzzy.
I have.
But only once.
And trust me, it's still pretty unforgettable.
What I regret is that I didn't pursue it at the time because it was so intense, and I was afraid that it was only one sided and I'd be rejected. I didn't take the risk. And now I'm left to wonder.

My question is does it ever happen more than once?
Or is it so rare that not everyone gets to even have it the one time, let alone more than that?

Are You Talking To... Me??

I know. It's been a while.
But that's because things are, for now, good.
The sun is shining, my soon-to-be-ex is being civil, I have rearranged my priorities to better suit the direction and mind set I want for my future. I'm making new friends and really enjoying getting to know them better.
I still get lonely once in a while.
I still get sad once in a while.
It's still no cake walk but there are more occasions that have put a smile on my face than brought tears.
I'm working out a little and eating better and seeing an improvement in how I look and feel. (well, maybe not right this second as I am devouring a handful of Swedish Berries - love those things!)
I'm learning to love that person I see in the mirror (especially as there is a little bit less to love! Ok, pushing away the Berries now).
I'm still not sure what my future holds.
I have hope that I will someday find someone to share my love and life with. And of course I hope that comes sooner than later.
In the mean time though I am enjoying being noticed by men.
Are you as shocked by that statement as I am??
I am completely taken off guard by it, and I have no comebacks, which trust me, makes me look soo smart. This, being noticed by guys, is very rare for me. I'm not just saying that to be modest or anything. There have literally been 3 men that I can say for sure that have wanted and taken the time to get to know me. The real me.
I was not that girl in high school, the one who the guys flirted with, asked out, or dated. I felt pretty near invisible, and have for pretty much forever until just lately. And while I am completely flattered, I'm also stunned and bewildered - both of which I pray do not register on my face. And while I talk big, like I will be thrilled when I choose to start dating again, there's a pretty big part that is freaking scared to death. And don't know which is worse, being asked, or not being asked. Wait - scratch that - pretty sure NOT being asked at all would be worse.
But when a guy stops and makes a polite observation, and I know that he said something just to engage in a conversation with me, and I know that it's me he's talking to and not some hot chick behind me, it pretty much blows my mind. And makes my day, because I am so stunned that I end up thinking about it all day.
See? What did I tell you? I'm easy to please.

A Little Ranting Never Hurts

I just want to be DONE!!
DONE chem.
DONE living here.
DONE being married.
DONE with getting the short end of the stick.
DONE with being treated like I'm worthless.
DONE. DONE! DONE!!!!!!
Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

I want guarantees.
I want to KNOW that all this crap really will be worth it, and worth it long enough to enjoy it.
I want to KNOW that the future holds something a whole heck of a lot better than my past. Because seriously - if this is it? If this is all there is I'm gonna be some pissed off let me tell you!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!