Out of Sorts

So, I did it. I moved out of MY house. And I am a whole bundle of emotions about it but the leading one - is some ticked!!!!!!!!
I am mad.
I am mad at his Dad. Picture the following: He comes over to my house just three days short of me leaving (which to anyone else who has ever moved means that you're right in the thick of it right???) looks around my yard (which I haven't mowed for 2 weeks because it has either been raining, or I've been busy packing) and says "looks like you've got a jungle going out there!" Me: "I know, I've just been busy, the grass can wait" to which he replies "busy doing what?" !?!?!?!?!? (did he really just say that to me??) "Packing" "uh huh??" Now this is classic FIL implying that I am yet again a lazy do-nothing who has her priorities all mixed up, that is if I had any ambition to have any to begin with. I just let him know that he can put his mind at ease, it will be done by Monday when I move out.
Feelin' the love yet?
Follow that up with this conversation not 10 minutes later "So when are you moving?" "Monday" "I have to tell you I think you are making a mistake" "You mean in not keeping the house???" "yeah" "I can't afford to keep it and buy T. out. Trust me, I have run the numbers and I can't make it work" "well, if you can't afford it then how is T. going to?" " I don't know. I'm sure he'll figure something out though."
And is my 10 year old son sitting right beside me?? As he questions my line of thinking?? Yes, yes he is.
Make. Me. Crazy!!!!!
The SIL is no better. Hasn't really spoken to me in at least 2 months other than one polite meeting on parade day. Calls me up the other day to ask if I could come and stay at her empty house to watch her dog and her cat and my dog while she and her family, the in-laws, my ex and my kids all go on the same two week camping trip that we ALL went on last year. Gee - can I???
Sensitivity is obviously NOT a trait that has been cultivated nearly enough there.
Maybe I was just brought up differently. Before you say something, STOP AND THINK about how the other person is going to hear/feel if you say what it is you feel you just gotta say. THINK OF THE OTHER PERSON, NOT YOURSELF.
(sigh)
Oh, and FYI? Someone who is weak, undisciplined, and selfish would be quite unable to hold her tongue FOR YEARS ON END and put up with all of the CRAP that I have put up with. So maybe your opinions about me have been wrong - for a very looooong time.
Ahhhh.... that felt good. And that last bit is soooo going on the other blog :)

Happy Birthday Blues

Today he turns 40.
I didn't know what to do to mark the occasion so I sent the kids with some money to go shopping for a special gift for him. I also sent him an email. Nothing big or fancy, just an 'I'm thinking about you today and hope you have a great day" kinda thing.
Maybe it's because I'm already feeling a little under the weather anyways, but I got kinda emotional. I mean, we've celebrated this day together for the last 13 years and it's kinda hard not to feel like this is his special day and he doesn't want me there anymore.
Waa, waa. I know. I'm sucking it up now, haha. It's all good and really I'm fine. I just miss him today I guess and I still really care about him, whether he cares back or not.
It's hard not to think about last year camping in Idaho, candles in a bunch of King Dons. Or the year before, same treat but in the Redwoods, all of us, camping together as a family celebrating this man who is so special to us.
I very much doubt he reads this but whatever. Happy Birthday Trev. I really do wish you all the best.
Alison