Where is the real me?

So, what a difference a few days makes. What changed? Not much really. But I did something just for me - outside of the rules, spontaneous and completely rejuvenating. I took off.
I was on the phone with my best friend and she was telling me about a fab book she is reading about making your life better, and recognizing that there are different phases. You can make each phase what you want it to be. Wow. What I want?? What do I want? So long I feel like I've been living under someone elses expectations of what a good mom is, a good wife, a good daughter-in-law, all of that. Now I am free (well, all but by law and that's in motion already). I can choose. I can be the loud girl at the party. I can be the one that helps save a life. I can be the one who dances in the rain. I can be the one who dances on the tables at parties while it's raining to save my own life if that's what I want.
Slowly but surely I am figuring out what I want. And light bulb moment!! I can change what I want whenever I want to! I have always been the girl who followed all the rules, having really no idea how to balance being good and having fun. To me, the two have never really gone together. These are a few of the thoughts clanking around in my brain while I was on the phone. She also mentioned a 100 list - a bucket list if you will. 100 things I want to do before my time is up. I'm not going to lie - 100 things sounds like a lot of things. So I started last night with #1 and am up to 16 things so far. I'll just take it from there. One of these days soon I will post my list of things so far.
So, like I said - I took off. I went into the city, spur of the moment on a whim to go see my best friend and watch last week's episode of Grey's before the season finale last night. I drove fast. I looked good. I had the music blaring - an not on the classical station! I felt myself coming alive again. That feeling is still with me today. I'm on the road to finding me and it feels pretty great. Well, at least for today ;)