The Best Kind of Success is Found in the Dressing Room

Okay, I promise, last post about boobs (at least for now).
Bra shopping. Who loves it? Who hates it?
For me, I know that I have to be in the right mood. Kinda like shopping for jeans, you gotta be in the mood because you know you're going to be trying on a shwack of different styles /sizes /colors, trying to push all your fleshy bits into some fabulous piece of clothing, and praying that it is more flattering than unfortunate. That your 'assets' are lifted and perky, reminding you of days long gone. I don't know about you but when I strike gold I stock up, because it is always my luck that as soon as I find a style that I like they discontinue it.
And then the first few times wearing those new jeans or bra, I feel.... what's a good word for it... Good. Mighty. Hot. Powerful. Feminine. Haha - but then again, it doesn't take much. I've always been pretty easy to please.

Umm... Hello...Have we met??

Hahaha!!!
So, apparently if you put the word 'Boobs' in the title of your blog post, you suddenly get visitors from all over the world popping over to have a looky. More proof that this woman's mind is still pretty niave :) So, if you are one of the new visitors - welcome and please, feel free to leave your first name and where you're from. Heck, why doesn't everyone who visits this one leave a quick hello. Go on - make my day :)

Men Are Stupid and They Like Big Boobs

That is the title of a Joan River's book that caught my attention while I was at Chapters this weekend. I happen to believe that her observation is true of many men and so I picked it up to flip through. It had me captivated for the next 25 minutes as Joan went through many of the plastic surgery operations available out there, what they would cost, exactly what they do, recovery times, all punctuated with her witty take on the whole process. Great book for anyone thinking about getting some work done.
I have thought about it before, and am back to thinking about it again. The top of my list would be nose and boobs. I have always had my dad's beak, and while I think it looks fabulous on him, me? Not so much. And the sisters? Well, let's just say I miss the pre-baby me. Reading about what all goes into the recovery is what has me pausing for thought though. And the possibility that I will go through all of that and be disappointed with the results. One thing she stressed though was that you get what you pay for - the more expensive the surgeon, the better quality job you're going to get.
Good book, good laughs, good info. As for her analysis on the opposite sex, well, I'll leave that one up to you.

Where is the real me?

So, what a difference a few days makes. What changed? Not much really. But I did something just for me - outside of the rules, spontaneous and completely rejuvenating. I took off.
I was on the phone with my best friend and she was telling me about a fab book she is reading about making your life better, and recognizing that there are different phases. You can make each phase what you want it to be. Wow. What I want?? What do I want? So long I feel like I've been living under someone elses expectations of what a good mom is, a good wife, a good daughter-in-law, all of that. Now I am free (well, all but by law and that's in motion already). I can choose. I can be the loud girl at the party. I can be the one that helps save a life. I can be the one who dances in the rain. I can be the one who dances on the tables at parties while it's raining to save my own life if that's what I want.
Slowly but surely I am figuring out what I want. And light bulb moment!! I can change what I want whenever I want to! I have always been the girl who followed all the rules, having really no idea how to balance being good and having fun. To me, the two have never really gone together. These are a few of the thoughts clanking around in my brain while I was on the phone. She also mentioned a 100 list - a bucket list if you will. 100 things I want to do before my time is up. I'm not going to lie - 100 things sounds like a lot of things. So I started last night with #1 and am up to 16 things so far. I'll just take it from there. One of these days soon I will post my list of things so far.
So, like I said - I took off. I went into the city, spur of the moment on a whim to go see my best friend and watch last week's episode of Grey's before the season finale last night. I drove fast. I looked good. I had the music blaring - an not on the classical station! I felt myself coming alive again. That feeling is still with me today. I'm on the road to finding me and it feels pretty great. Well, at least for today ;)

Cold Turkey

WARNING:
If you are a family member you may not want to read this post as it may contain TMI (too much information) Remember - this is my blog. This is the one where I let it all out. If you want to read about my family's daily happenings - the more G to PG rated stuff then stop here and go to the other blog posted there on the side. This is my blog and my new life and I've decided to be less inhibited, less private, less proper. This could very well be the new me. I don't want to hear about whether or not you agree with my take on things - especially the following things!

I have a new BFF. She's my CBFF. My Celibate BFF. She's LDS too and in an even bigger predicament than me in that she actually has a new man right in front of her and is being as good as humanly possible. Divorced Mormon women - the ones who hang on to their values for dear life - are some of the toughest, strong-willed people on this planet. The only ones who beat them out is the men, because let's face facts here - they are men!

I've tried it all. I've cut out ALL TV programs except for Survivor. That includes Grey's and Private Practice people!! McSteamy! McDreamy! AHHH!!!! I have no radio on in the car. I have freaking classical music on my other blog for the very reason being that everything makes me think, or want, or miss "IT". I miss it all. I miss even just the touch of a man. Hand on the small of my back, hand in my hair, holding hands, hands and arms holding me close and everything else further down that line. Actually, what I can't get out of my head is a pair of man hands that grab the sides of my ribs to pull me close and then slide around to my back to hold me there. I think about that one all. the. time.

I've been chewing gum like someone trying to kick a smoking addiction just to keep my mouth busy because when it's not, either my jaw is clenched or the tip of my tongue tingles reminding me of kisses that I want to share so bad it's making me crazy!!!

I don't miss it with him - in fact quite the opposite. But the hope that there had so better be someone better is making me seriously come out of my skin!! You know it's bad when you are walking by the cheesecake display case in the Cheesecake Cafe and at first glance you think the Callibeaut Chocolate Cheesecake actually read Celibate Chocolate Cheesecake. True story. And that is the one I picked out (once I stopped to read the little sign again. Fabulous btw).

Quiting cold turkey sucks you guys!! You don't even know! Unless of course you do and then Hello! You get it!! I look at some of these single women in church who have been married before and they have been single for umpteen years and I just don't know if I have it in me to go that long!! I'm amazing but still human you know ;)

*SIGH*

And my wait continues..... Aw man!! Haha :)

Beware of the late night posts!

Haha :) I find that whatever feelings I have been trying to hide/bury/mask all come out at night. I somehow don't feel I'm alone in this.
Last week, and for most of this one - minus a brief wonderful weekend where I could escape my world and be reminded of who I am/was with my mom and YYBFF (younger years best friend forever) - I have been feeling anxious and always have my heart aching. I've been able to still go about all the things I usually do, for the most part , and have been able to put on the happy face but I am grieving.
Why do I even care about this man that has hurt me time and time again? Why do I care that he is with someone new who has integrity equal to his own?
Because we had a life together, a life he did not value as I did. I gave him my heart and he did not treat it with care - he stomped on it. I picked it back up, put it back together, dusted it off, and cautiously held it out to him again. And he stomped on it again. And again. And again. And again.
Why did I keep trying, you may ask? Vows. 70x7. Kids. Hope is hard to kill.
In fact, I still have hope. Not in that he will one day get what's coming to him, not in that he will realize that I am someone special someday, not in that he will one day call me up and tell me his regrets, but that my heart can be healed through the Atonement. That what my friends tell me just might be true - that there are men out there that will value my morals, integrity, righteousness (not perfection - there's a difference!), honesty, and a not too shabby exterior ;) And even if no one comes my way, I still have the inner peace that comes from not being ashamed. I also know that peace will show outwardly in my eyes, my walk, my actions, my countenance. There is light at the end of the tunnel, I just need to step carefully through the dark to get to it :)